Marriage

In marriage [a person] receives a blessing, which sanctifies matrimony and the natural birth and bringing up of children.
Prelate Philaret, metropolitan of Moscow.

Marriage is a sacrament in which, with the promise of mutual fidelity by the bride and groom freely made before the priest and Church, their matrimonial union is blessed in the image of the spiritual union of Christ with the Church.

Marriage was established by the Creator in paradise, when God blessed the first people with the words: “Be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth…” (Gen 1: 28). We also see that not only in the Old but also in the New Testament marriage is a mystery and that God has blessed this union of “oneness of soul and body…” (Gen 2: 24).

In matrimonial union, the souls and bodies of the newlyweds are joined together into an indissoluble bond with Christ as the Head.

The Sacrament of Marriage consists of two parts, the betrothal and the wedding of an Orthodox groom and bride. However, according to Church rules, it is allowable to wed an Orthodox and a member of another Christian faith (Catholic, Protestant which baptises with immersion in the name of the Holy Trinity), provided that there is permission from the ruling bishop. This exception does not apply to those of a non-Christian faith, those who are not baptised or are atheists.

The desire of a couple to marry is announced (banns) by the priest on three occasions after the liturgy. This is done so that the priest can be notified if there are any objections to the wedding. The groom and the bride prepare for the Sacrament of Marriage spiritually through confession and communion. It is for this reason that the Sacrament of Marriage is performed after the liturgy.

For the wedding ceremony, it is necessary to prepare a new white cloth, wedding rings, wedding candles and paired icons of the Saviour and the Mother of God (it is preferable to acquire the candles and icons in the church itself).

Before the wedding the parents bless the bride and groom with and icon. This icon is usually given to them. But if is an old family icon the parents may keep it to bless other children and present those marrying with a new icon. This icon is taken into the church and placed near the Royal Doors on an analogion or lectern.

Immediately before the wedding a decorative white cloth is placed in the entrance of the church where the betrothal service will take place.  The rings are given to the priest so as to be placed on the altar.

The presence of a God-parent or the best man or close friend and a witness (bridesmaid) is required.

The betrothal service signifies the rigidity of the mutual promises made by the bride and groom and begins with the rings being given to the priest, who puts them on the altar, one on the right and one on the left. With the placement of the rings on the altar, the wedding couple charge their destiny to God’s will and seek the Lord’s blessing for their betrothal. It is no accident that rings are used in the betrothal. The ring has, since ancient times, been considered to be a symbol of a seal and a commitment.

All those who have been invited gather in the church, awaiting the bride and groom. The groom enters the church accompanied by the God-parent or best man. The choir greets him with singing some verses from the Psalms. Everybody now anticipates the arrival of the bride. She is usually brought into the church by her father or a God-parent and is presented to the groom.
The groom and the bride stand in the vestibule of the church, facing the altar: the groom on the right, the bride on the left. The priest emerges from the altar, approaches the bride and groom, blesses them three times and gives them each a lit candle. The candles symbolises the spiritual light of the Sacrament and the purity and chastity of the couple. The best man stands next to the priest and holds the rings. The priest performs a censing, symbolising the grace of the Holy Spirit, which drives unclean forces away from the wedding couple. Then he begins the betrothal with the exclamation: “Blessed is our God, always, now and ever unto the ages of ages.” Then the Great Litany is chanted. The salvation of the couple, the bestowing of children upon them, the sending down of absolute love, like-mindedness and firm belief, are besought in the petitions. Two prayers praising the Lord and asking for His blesses on the wedding couple are then read. Now the priest takes a ring and puts on the fourth finger of the right hand of the groom. The priest proclaims thrice: “The servant of God, Name, is betrothed to the hand maid of God, Name: in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen” at the same time making the sign of the cross over the groom. Then the priest puts a ring on bride’s ring finger of the right hand. Now the priest says three times: “The handmaid of God, Name, is betrothed to the servant of God, Name, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen”, making the sign of the cross over the bride. After this, the priest or God-parent or a groom’s man exchanges the rings three times. This is a testimony that the groom is prepared to help his future wife, whilst the bride is faithful and prepared to accept the help of the groom. The triple exchange testifies to the complete mutual trust of the couple, their mutual commitment to each other.

The betrothal comes to an end with prayers asking for the Lord’s blessing on the betrothed couple.

Then the most important part of the wedding ceremony follows.

The groom and the bride, holding lit candles in their hands, walk to the middle of the church and stand on the decorative white cloth laid out in front of the lectern, indicating their sharing of joy and grief alike. A cross and the Gospel lay on the lectern. The Gospel reminds the wedding couple that they are to be guided by the law of Christ in all their affairs. If the spouses revere God and execute His commandments, then the Almighty Lord will ensure the internal and external blessedness of their life.

The bride and groom confirm before the Lord and the Church their free, un-coerced desire to marry, answering the questions of the priest: “Do you, Name, of a good, free and unconstrained will and a firm intention to take as your wife this woman, Name, whom you see here before you?” The groom responds: “I do, reverend father.” The priest asks the second question: “Have you promised yourself to any other woman?” The groom replies: “I have not promised myself, reverend father.” Now the priest asks the bride: “Do you, Name, of a good, free and unconstrained will and a firm intention to take as your husband this man, Name, whom you see here before you?” The bride answers: “I do, reverend father.” The priest asks again: “Have you promised yourself to any other man?” The bride’s reply: “I have not promised myself, reverend father.” These questions are not only about whether a promise to marry was given, but also whether either of the marrying couple entered into illegitimate relations or whether he or she has obligations towards someone else. Answers from the groom and the bride should be negative and clear. If the bride reacts with silence, tears or sobs, the priest will immediately stop the wedding so that there is no forced marriage.

The wedding commences with the priest’s exclamation: “Blessed is the Kingdom of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.” After the Great Litany the priest reads three prayers, in which the creation of the woman from the rib of Adam and the first marital blessing in paradise are recalled. The blessing of the new matrimonial union, the preservation of the couple, the giving of oneness to each other, chastity, a long life, an abundance of earthly blessings and an un-fading crown in heaven are all sought. The parents of the bride and groom, who had brought them up, are also remembered in the prayers.

The most crucial moment now begins. The priest takes a crown, the symbol of imperial power, through which the wedding couple receive a blessing to become progenitors, the prince and princess of their house, and to use the authority granted to them for the good of their underlings. He makes the sign of the cross over the groom with it and the groom kisses the image of the Saviour, which is on the front of the crow. The priest pronounces: “The servant of God Name is crowned unto the handmaiden of God Name in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit”. The crown then is placed on the head of the groom. The other crown, with an image of the Mother of God on the front, is used to make the sign of the cross over the bride, who kisses the image of the Mother of God. The priest then says: “The handmaiden of God Name is crowned unto the servant of God Name in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Sprit”. The crown then placed on the head of the bride. The crowning of the bride and groom serves as a reward for their chastity.

Sometimes the crowns are not placed on the heads of the newlyweds; instead the best man and ushers hold them above the heads of the bride and groom. In this case, the best man should wear white gloves or hold the crowns with white cloths.

The priest pronounces the main sacramental words three times: “O Lord our God, crown them with glory and honor”, blessing the newlyweds each time. Thus the Church mystically sends down onto the couple the grace of the Holy Spirit, which consecrates the marriage and the natural birth and raising of children. From this moment on the groom is the husband of his bride and she – the wife of her groom. From this moment, husband and wife are bound by unbreakable bonds of marriage: “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate” (Matt. 19: 6).

The prokeimenon is then sung: “Thou hast set upon their heads crowns of precious stones; they asked life of Thee and Thou gavest it them”, followed by the reading of the fifth chapter of the Epistle of Apostle Paul to the Ephesians. In it, he writes that it is necessary to thank the Lord for everything and to obey each other. Furthermore, in this reading the bride and groom are compared to Christ and the Church: just as Christ is the head of the Church, so too the husband is the head of the wife; just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for it, so too the husband should love his wife. Then the second chapter from the Gospel of St John is read, in which the first miracle performed by the Saviour at the wedding in Cana in Galilee is remembered. At the request of His Mother, He transformed water into wine and with it blessed the marriage. Prayers for compassion, peace, health, salvation, the sending of a guardian angel for the couple and the forgiveness and remission of sins are then read. The choir and, desirably, the newlyweds and all present sing the prayer “Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy Name. Thy Kingdom come. Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread.  And forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one”.

So that the newlyweds remember that they now must share joy and sorrow, work and rest and not avoid interaction with each other, the priest blesses a cup with red wine from which the husband and the wife drink three times in turn. After the drinking from the common cup, the priest links the right hands of the newly married as a token of their indissoluble union, covers the joined hands with the stole and leads them around the lectern three times. This circling expresses the joy of the newlyweds and the eternity of their united progress through life. Just as the circle represents eternity, so also their vow is not to terminate the marriage for any reason. The triple circling is made in the name of the Holy Trinity: the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. The circling takes place with the singing of the troparions “Rejoice”, “O holy martyrs” and “Glory to Thee”. The following is the full text of the troparions.

“Rejoice, O Isaiah! for a virgin was with child; and bore a Son Immanuel: He is both God and man; and Orient is His name; magnifying Him, we call the virgin blessed”.

“O holy martyrs, who fought the good fight and have received your crowns: entreat ye the Lord, that He will have mercy on our souls.”

“Glory to Thee, O Christ our God, the Apostles’ boast, the Martyrs’ joy, whose preaching was the consubstantial Trinity.”

At the end of the procession the priest removes the crowns from the newly married. At the same time he reads prayers, asking for help from the Mother of God and rendering glory to Christ and the Holy Trinity. The last prayer is accompanied by the priest’s blessing. After this, the priest brings the couple to the Royal Gates and allows them to kiss the icons of the Saviour and the Mother of God and the cross. He blesses them with their icons, which were brought specially for them. The priest then instructs the newlyweds to greet each other with a kiss before the congregation as a token of their mutual love. Then the priest proclaims: “May he who by His presence in Cana of Galilee declared marriage to be honourable, Christ our true God, through the prayers of His most pure mother; of the holy, glorious and all-laudable apostles; of the holy, God-crowned kings Constantine and Helen, equal to the apostles; of the holy great martyr Procopius; and of all the saints: have mercy on us and save us, for He is good and loves mankind”. The choir sings “God, grant them many years” three times. The priest congratulates the couple. The newlyweds then turn to face the congregation, who come up to the couple to congratulate them.

After the wedding, the newlyweds need to hang the icons, with which they were blessed, in their home in a proper place, usually in corner that is first noticed when entering a room. They are to keep and protect them and pray before them together as a couple as well as on their own.

When the newly married couple leave the church, wheat or rice is thrown over them as a wish for prosperity.

Some words of guidance to those present at the celebration of the Sacrament of Marriage

Getting ready to go to the church where the Sacrament of Marriage will be performed, it is important to remember the need for observing modesty in attire. Women should not enter the church in slacks. They should also make sure that their head is covered. In choosing the headdress, it is preferable to select a scarf or a shawl. The use of these headdresses by women has a traditional character and is connected with St Paul’s injunction that women should cover their heads in church (1 Cor. 11: 5-6).

Men should not forget that their shirt should be buttoned up to the top and that any headdress needs to be removed upon entering the church.

People attend the Sacrament of Marriage to pray to the Creator together with the priest for the bestowing of blessings on the marrying couple, the giving of peace, love and prosperity in their domestic life. This explains the inappropriateness of conversations between those present at the Sacrament of Marriage, laughter, movement from place to place around the church, standing with back to the icons and the altar. Those attending at the Sacrament of Marriage should remember that the Savour is invisibly present at this joyous event in the life of the marrying couple and therefore need to behave reverently and listen to prayers with due attention.

Duties of spouses

  1. To love and protect each other.
  2. To tolerate each other’s flaws.
  3. To forgive each other not only in words, but in practice.
  4. To help each other in everyday affairs.
  5. To observe matrimonial fidelity.
  6. To prepare themselves and their children, if God grants them children, for the future life and eternal bliss.

Some remarks

Obstacles to marriage

 

Weddings do not take place

Weddings do not take place:

Exceptions to these rules can be made only by the ruling bishop in the case of absolute need.