Short rules of Orthodox etiquette
How to address the deacon
The deacon is the assistant to the priest. He does not have the divine grace which the priest possesses and which is given in the Sacrament ordination to the priest. By virtue of this, the deacon cannot independently, without the priest, conduct the Liturgy, christen, profess, anoint, wed (i.e. carry out Sacraments), read the burial service, consecrate a house (i.e. to carry out occasional religious rites). Accordingly, he is not asked to carry out Sacraments or occasional religious rites and is not asked for blessing. But, certainly, the deacon can help with counsel or a prayer.
The deacon is addressed with the words: “Father Deacon”. For example: “Father Deacon, would you be able to tell me where I can find the parish priest?”
If the proper name is used, “father” should precede it. For example: “Father Andrei, may I ask you a question?”. If speaking about a deacon in the third person, it is necessary to say: “Father Deacon has told me...”, or “Father Vladimir informed me that...” or “Deacon Paul has just left”.
How to address the priest
In church practice it is not accepted to greet the priest with the words: "Hello", "Good afternoon"; instead you say “Bless!” If you are near the priest, fold your palms to receive the blessing (right on top of left).
The priest, upon pronouncing the words: “God will bless” or “In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit" – imposes on the layman the sign of the cross and puts his right hand on the palms, which the layman kisses.
For men, another kind of blessing can take place also: the recipient kisses the hand of the priest, the cheek and then the hand again.
However the variability of the blessing gesture does not end with this: the priest can impose the sign of the cross on the bowed head of the layman, putting the palm on top, or he can bless at a distance.
The widespread mistake of people with little familiarity with the church – crossing themselves before taking blessing from the cleric -should not be done.
During the period from Easter up to the end of the holidays (i.e. over 40 days) the first words of the greeting are: “Christ has risen!” with which the layman usually addresses the priest, and the priest answers: “Truly He is risen”. The blessing gesture remains unchanged.
How must the layman act if he is in the presence of several priests? Variations and subtleties here can be many, but the general rule is such: take blessing firstly from the priests most senior in ranking, i.e. starting with archpriests, then priests. The question is how to distinguish this if not all of them are known to you. Some help is given by the cross which the priest wears: a cross with decorations indicates that he is an archpriest, a gold cross – either an archpriest or a priest, a silver cross – a priest.
If you have already taken blessing from two-three priests, and there are a further three-four fathers nearby, take blessing from them too. But if it is evident that it is for some reason inconvenient, say: “Bless, fathers” and bow.
Another situation: a group of believers in the church grounds approach the priest for blessing. In this case it is necessary to act as thus: men approach first (if among the gathered there are clergymen, they approach first of all) – in order of seniority, then - women (also in order of seniority). If a family approaches for blessing, the husband approaches first, then the wife, and then the children (in order of seniority). If you would like to introduce someone to the priest, say: “Father Peter, this is my spouse. Please bless her”.
How to behave if you have met the priest in the street, on public transport or in a public place (in the mayoral chambers, in a shop, etc.)? Even if he is in civilian clothes, you can approach to him and take blessing from him if – of course – it would not interfere with his business. If it is not possible to take blessing, then limit yourself to a courteous bow.
At the time of parting, as well as at the time of meeting, the layman again asks blessing of the priest: “Forgive me, father, and bless”.
Behaviour in conversation
The attitude of the layman to the priest as to the carrier of the grace received by him in the Sacrament of Priesthood, attributed to him by bishop to watch over the flock, to whom we should be respectful. In dialogue with the cleric it is necessary to ensure that speech, gestures, mimicry, pose, and gaze are decent. This means that in speech, expressive words should not appear, even more so rough words, slang, of which speech in the world is full. Gestures and mimicry should be reduced to a minimum (it is known, that avaricious gesticulation is an attribute of a well-mannered individual). In conversation it is not allowable to touch the priest, to be excessively familiar. In dialogue, observe a certain physical distance. Infringement of the distance (standing too close to the person, with whom one is in conversation) is an infringement of norms of even ordinary wordly etiquette. The pose should not be free, especially not provocative. It is not acceptable to sit, if the priest is standing, sit down after an offer to do so. The gaze, which is usually least subjected to conscious control, should not be steadfast, studying or ironic. Very frequently the gaze – mild, restrained, downcast – at once speaks about the person as being well-mannered, in our case – a person of the church.
In general it is necessary to always try to listen to the other person, not tiring them with one’s verbosity and talkativeness. In conversation with the priest, a believer should keep in mind that God can often speak through the priest, the servant of the Lord’s Sacraments. This is why parishioners are so attentive to the words of their spiritual instructor.
It is not necessary to say that laymen – in dialogue amongst themselves – are guided by the same norms of behaviour.